We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
