Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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