My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
