he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
