Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
