Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Of course I have a pirate flag
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
