i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
