The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
