i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Sober January is a disaster.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
