I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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