There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
