ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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