I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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