1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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