How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize