ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
