If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
no, he came in my armpit
I wanna passion pit in your ass
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize