I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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