I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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