I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
