So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
