I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
