"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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