Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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