I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
