Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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