you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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