I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
