I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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