the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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