i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
