First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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