I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I checked into jail on foursquare
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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