Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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