Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I came so hard my ears popped.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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