Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
