tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
