I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize