Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
