I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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