i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You smell like stripper and shame
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
