he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
