your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
