I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
