i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
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