Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
