Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
