Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
