Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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