Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
