he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize