so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
