$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize