When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
