Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
