420 ftw
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize