I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Is Oprah even human
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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