My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
