well I can't set my house on fire every night
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
