worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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