I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
