Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
