I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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