I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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