So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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