it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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