he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
