Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
