We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
