just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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