hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Randomize
