don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
