I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
