I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
